How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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