you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He shit in the fireplace
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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