I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
