You made me cry and you don't even care
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize