They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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