i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
