I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
