we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
