I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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