Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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