I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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