I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
