I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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