Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
