I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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