dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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