You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
