I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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