What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
