I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
