i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
