I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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