i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
