Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she told me i tasted like america
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We left an ass print on the piano.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
