I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
