I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
