Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize