Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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