i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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