wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
