My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
