I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
so much tequila, so little girl.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
