It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
