Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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