After last night, I could never be a politician.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
