I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
