I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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