Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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