that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
