i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
