According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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