i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
