I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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