shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
