So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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