Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
