I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize