i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
