I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
