When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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