how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
