Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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