all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
