Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
