I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
