Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
