His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
