the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Can you bring me the toilet please
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
