Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
