he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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