It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
