If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
