That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We had sex on a dog bed..
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
