do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
