god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
