So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
