I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
