i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
