I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
