I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
