whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
