if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
