Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
