Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
