It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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