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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes

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• (315): View more from New York

  its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus

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• (226): View more from Ontario

  I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.

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• (559): View more from California

  Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.

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• (334): View more from Alabama

  Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST

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• (954): View more from Florida

  oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?

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