I bet he comes in French.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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