i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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