At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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