Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
