You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
