He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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