Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
