I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
