You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
