My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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