Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
