another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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