If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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